


Hurtin' and Lovin'

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, By dreamsofspike, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Fanfiction, M/M, Of Monsters and Men, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Recovery, Sam Winchester P.O.V
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 10:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11183076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sam knew that one day, he would wake up, without Mick by his side, and he was alright with that. But he wished that weren't the case. Mick had opened his heart up like no other had.Inspired by dreamsofspike's Of Monsters and Men, but can be read as a standalone.





	Hurtin' and Lovin'

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Of Monsters and Men](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10862367) by [dreamsofspike](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamsofspike/pseuds/dreamsofspike). 



 

It had taken a long time for them to actually heal after all the fucked up things in both of their lives.

He _hadn't_ been the one to be thrown back and forth to hell. That was _Mick._ He just had to dug up his darker side and let it shine, and that _wasn’t_ easy for him. Sam had _once_ been carried away in his act so far that he feared for his sanity. While he never hurt Mick, he _had_ said things, did things, that was worse than psychical pain.

Sam _hated_ hurting Mick.

He had punished himself for it. How could he not? He _always_ believed he was a monster, so when he _tried_ to win Ketch over by saying that Mick was a useless, piece of shit who needed to be put in his place; it _killed_ him, not because he _said_ it, but because he _had_ meant it at the time.

How could he have done something so disgusting to sweet, broken, fragmented Mick? 

And when Mick _shied_ away from him, he understood, but it broke his heart into a dozen sharp shards that pierced his chest like a hard, relentless bullet.

It took him a long time before he finally gained Mick’s trust again, and when he did, he promised himself never to betray it like that ever again.

He didn't deserve Mick’s trust _again_ , but Mick gave it to him, and he wasn't going to throw it again. Mick was special to him — no one had _dug_ his heart up from under the thorns in his chest after Jesse. Mick was that important to him. He couldn't _live_ in a world without Mick by his side; it was next to impossible. Mick owned his heart, body, and his soul, which he gladly gave over.

Mick _wasn’t_ his suns and stars or some girly shit like that, as Dean would tease him, but he _opened up_ a part of Sam that he kept locked up for good reasons.

And he was so frickin’ glad for that.

He had long forgotten how it _felt_ to have someone to _share_ not only his dreams with, but his nightmares, too. It felt good. It was what he had been missing all his life and now that he had Mick’s love and trust once more, he feared that he would screw it up again.

He _tried_ to calm his beating heart down. _It will be okay_ , he tried to remind himself.

He took a brief glance at his sleeping partner and his heart eventually calmed down. Mick had that effect on him. He _was_ his rock, his lever, his sanity.

He may not deserve any of this, not anymore. There _was_ a time when Mick needed him more than anything else, but now that he was slowly coming back to himself, that was no longer the case. Sam knew that one day, he would wake up to a cold bed, but until that happened, he was going to treasure and love every damn minute he got to spend with this sweet, smart, brilliant man.

He tightened his hold on Mick when he shivered and whispered sweet nothings in his ears. “Shh, it’s okay, Mick. You’re safe,” he said softly, as he gently placed a small kiss on Mick’s burning forehead. “I got you. I’ll always be there for you whether you want me or not.”

“Sam,” Mick whispered, voice small and pained, as he slowly opened his eyes. “Sam?” He panicked when Sam didn't answer back, trembling and trying to get out of Sam’s hold. “No, please _no._ Don’t!” His eyes widened and he started breathing heavily _almost_ heaving.

“I’m here,” Sam yelled, not too loud in order to not scare Mick. “I’m here, Mick, okay? You’re _no_ longer there. We’re no longer there. Ketch is _dead_. He _can_ never hurt you again. You’re safe with me.”

Mick slowly shifted his body around and faced Sam. His big, beautiful eyes, which Sam loved so much were wary and scared, and it broke Sam’s heart to see him in so much pain. “Sam,” he whispered brokenly. “Is …. _are_ you really here?”

Sam gave him a small smile, to which Mick relaxed to a little bit. “Yeah, it’s really me.” He smiled a little more. “I _promise_ you that place along with Ketch is destroyed. Dean blew it up. You remembered that, don’t you?”

Mick nodded. “He’s … he’s _really_ gone? Ketch’s dead? The British Men of Letter is _gone_?” he asked warily, waiting for _something_ to happen, Sam supposed. He probably expected to wake up in a _dark_ , _dirty_ dungeon kept like a dog. 

“They _can’t_ hurt you anymore,” Sam convinced him, resisting the urge to run his hands through Mick’s hair. That always comforted him. Sam hated when he was _like_ this, so scared and vulnerable, but it was to be expected, Mick had went through hell.

“You promise?” he asked, watching straight into Sam’s eyes. “You _aren’t_ a hallucination? ‘M not gonna wake up ‘n _see_ him?” he ended a breathy note, shivering uncontrollably.

“I promise, Mick. I’ll never lie to you,” he reassured him. “Ketch is gone and he took that _world_ away with him.”

“Pro … pro … prove it to me,” he stuttered. “Tell me something that only the real Sam would know.”

Sam smiled at him. 

“I’m always so scared,” he began slowly. “Scared of _hurting_ you, Dean, Cass, mom … I _always_ struggle when I put on an act ‘cause I always fear that I’d wake up and become that person. I _hated_ hurting you. It _killed_ me to treat you like Ketch. I almost _gave_ myself over to Ketch, to let him punish me. ‘Cause hurting you is the last thing I ever wanted to do and it showed that I’m no better than Ketch,” he finished off, trying to maintain that level of confidence that Mick needed from him at the moment, but it fell away layer by layer until all was left was the broken and unfixable man he really was.

Mick looked _into_ his eyes, really looked into his eyes, and gave him a small smile that went up all the way to his eyes. “Sam,” he let Sam’s name roll off his tongue, like only Mick _was_ meant to say it like that. To _make_ himself feel loved by someone other than Dean, his parents, Bobby, Jesse, and Cass.

“Yeah, it’s really me, Mick.”

“Okay.” Mick rested his head on Sam’s clothed chest and it felt _so_ right since they fit so perfectly together.

“Go back to sleep, Mick,” he said softly and allowed himself to run his fingers through Mick’s short, chopped hair. 

“Thank you, Sam,” Mick began, closing his eyes. “For everything.”

“You should never thank you for that. I’d have done the same thing for anyone else in your situation.” He smiled. _But I went the extra mile ‘cause I love you so damn much_ , he wanted to say, but he couldn't because they _weren’t_ like that. He was _just_ Mick’s friend. He had to remember that.

“No one has ever done anything like this for you,” he said, breath warm against Sam’s shirt. “You made me feel like I was worth something. That I had a purpose. It _was_ for that very purpose that I had fallen for you.”

“Mick,” he began, not believing what he was hearing.

“I love you, Sam Winchester. I know you love me, too,” Mick continued, unaffected by Sam’s chest thudding heavily in his chest. “I know I’m not _ready_ to be with anyone yet, but when I am, I want to be with you. Only you, Sam.”

“Mick.” He blinked. “You _aren’t_ in the right state of mind. You don’t feel the way you think you feel about me.”

“I do.” Mick snapped his eyes open and looked at Sam, eyes unyielding and brave. “I know how I feel, Sam. And I love you like I love you no other.”

“Mick.”

“I love you, Sam, and you better believe it,” he said with so much _snark_ in his voice that it made Sam laugh out loud.

“And I love you, too,” Sam said half-truth, half-lie, because he did love Mick, but he also wanted to play along to whatever platonic love Mick had for him.

“Someday, I’ll prove it to you. I will. You’ll see,” Mick said and that was the last thing he said that night before he fell back into another endless slumber.

_Sure, you will, I believe you_ , Sam thought, as he stared at the ceiling. _I wish you’d love me like that, but you don’t._ And with that thought in mind, Sam fell asleep, chest heavy with pain and heartache.


End file.
